“Cut off your hair and cast it away; raise a lamentation on the bare heights…” Jeremiah 7:29
Even though I’ve been living in my hometown for a year now, I still run into people at the store or at HS football games who are surprised about my hair. Haha. I tell everyone the same thing: I cut it all off because I wanted a new style… the pixie cut fits my personality… it was damaged from too many perms. All are true. But they aren’t the main reason. The only person who caught on, was a Chinese teacher I became good friends with while teaching in China. Over lunch, she asked me, “Kate-tlllln, what caused you so much grief that you cut off all your hair?”
During a year of college, I experienced a lot of loss and trauma in my life. No matter how much I prayed and strived to do what was right, I ended up watching everything I deeply loved fall through my hands. The pain was more than I could bear. It changed me. And I knew I would never be the same person after that, so I cut off the long curly hair that I loved too.
I had no time to grieve though, because I had too many responsibilities and people counting on me. I kept my emotions turned off for months. It wasn’t until I graduated and returned home a year ago, sitting on my bed in complete silence for the first time, that I began to hear the roar of my pain. Honestly, I didn’t know it was there, or maybe I did, but was afraid of facing it. So I called together some ladies from my church to meet and pray over me for freedom and healing. The pain I felt was real but it was increasingly devastated by Satan’s lies. Once God’s truth was clearly presented to me in each situation, I felt the throbbing sadness and despair leave my body. I felt freedom from those ties. I felt filled to overflowing with God’s love for me, His peace, and tangible hope! Still, after that it was war fighting off Satan’s lies and bad memories that would resurface, so I learned to use God’s instructions in Scripture to fight backsliding:
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Hebrews 4:12--Replace lies and bad memories with the truth of God’s word, praise, and thankfulness. -
Romans 12:21--Build a fence with a gate inside rather than impenetrable walls, so I can keep letting the bad out and the good in. -
Romans 8:28--Trust that God is good, He is fighting my battles for me, and He will work things out for the best in the end. -
2 Corinthians 1:3-4--Believe God has purpose through my pain to transform me, so that I can testify to others of His faithfulness through it and once the trial has passed. -
2 Corinthians 12:9--Know the measure of His love for me is not based on my circumstances but on how much of Himself He gives to me—pain doesn’t mean punishment. -
Ephesians 6:12--Satan is the real enemy, not other people.
Grieving is human, but lamenting is Christian. While I grieved over what I’d lost, I also lamented the fall of humanity and this world. Imagine the Garden of Eden in Genesis. We’re supposed to experience intimacy with God, unity and love toward each other, and use our spiritual gifts to serve. But Satan interferes. He tried to separate us from our former glory and our loving Creator. Yet God sent His son Jesus, to reconcile us to Him. Because God the Father wants His children back! Death, in its many forms, reminds us this isn’t Heaven. It allows us to experience the entire Gospel again—our need for Christ, God’s rescuing love, and suffering fuels us with an urgency to pray for Jesus to come back for us.
As a result of these experiences, I became really passionate about helping other people experience healing and freedom. So I took a certification worth of Christian Counseling courses over the summer. I learned about a variety of concerns and topics—depression, abuse, forgiveness, guilt, freedom, marriage, family, divorce, suffering, grief, breaking addictions, stress, anxiety, anger—and how to care for people God’s way by using the Bible to address these topics. That course does not make me a professional counselor, but rather educated me to help people who can’t afford professional counseling or who don’t want to discuss these things with a stranger.
If this resonates with you and you have deep emotional scars, I just want to look you in the eyes and say, “I’m so sorry that you are having to go through this. You are so far from alone in overcoming this. THIS is not the end for you. If you can choose to view this thing as the thing that’s going to launch you into who God created you to be, rather than getting trapped in self-pity and bitterness, then you are going to feel whole again and have the ability to help people just like you in the future. Healing is not about having the strength to, it’s about getting the support from others and the truth from God that you need—THEY will be your strength. You’re literally in the middle of a spiritual war right now, and you do have the power to choose between claiming the pain or finding out what’s on the other side of this new life God has for you. After leaving my past in the past and emerging on the other side of healing—I can tell you that my capacity to feel loved and love others has expanded (maybe if someone did an echocardiogram we could prove my heart has actually been enlarged ; )), and I’ve been granted the privilege to see God’s heart in ways that people who haven’t suffered on this scale do not know.
In 2019, these two were the most insightful and will be timeless books for me: The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, and Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. Reading these books WILL NOT HEAL YOU. Please first contact someone to pray over you for freedom and healing, and tell the people who love you about what you are going through so they can stand by you through it. You can also contact me, at [email protected]. Anyone who wants to learn how to pray over people for freedom and healing, I would love to pass on the knowledge I know! Now that I know the truth, I’m going to take that freedom and healing to people all over the world in Jesus’s name, and teach them to use prayer to bring that to other people! I still rock the pixie cut because it reminds me that God IS victorious!
“In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39
Author’s note: I view my writing as a conversation. It means a lot to me to hear from you. It doesn’t matter how long ago after it’s been posted—I will be notified, and I will write you back! : )
Thanks for your words, Kaitlynn! They resonate with me and different seasons I’ve had in my life. I love the scripture you listed. Good stuff for healing!
Love this post! Prayer and God’s Word are indeed mighty to tearing down strongholds and bringing true healing. Did you happen to take the courses from Light University, “Caring for People God’s Way?”
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Haha that was suppose to be a bunch of hearts but apparently they don’t take emojis. But I love this post! God bless you !!!!
I love your pixie cut! I too can identify with this chapter in your life. We go through many phases, trials, and times of confusion, but each time when we look back we see that God has been working through those circumstances to help us learn to walk in faith, develop compassion, and learn to trust Him at all times. Love that you are sharing your steps as you take this journey of life!
Thank you for your honesty!
Thanks so much Kimberly!! YES–I did! Did you!? It was so enriching to me, and I would like to take more courses in the future!
Haha! Yay! Thanks so much Ciera!
Michelle! *big hug* I’m so thankful that I could provide some comfort and company! That scripture completely flipped the script in my life–it took a long time and relapses–but it’s scary to think of who I’d be now if it didn’t have the power to renew my heart! Now, wherever we go, we take that healing power with us and can set everyone free in Jesus’s name! What a plot twist! : D
Ah, thanks so much Joyce! You’re so right! Feeling fearful and defeated kept me from sharing my writing for a long time… but God proved to be faithful and heal me, and that knowledge is something that I cannot keep to myself, for the sake of other’s freedom and God’s glory! Sharing only brings more healing upon healing for me. I cannot wait to see more people experience God’s love and power the way I have next year! : )
Of course! Thank you for being there for me
Beautiful words, Kaitlynn! Thanks for sharing. I really like the imagery of Romans 12:21 building a fence to let the bad out and the good in … what translation is that from?
Kaitlynn, I love your heart for others. You feel things deeply and have compassion for those hurting. That’s straight from Jesus, friend. So thankful that I get to live life with you this year.
Looking forward to more reports of how God multiplies His healing through you!
Thanks so much Keith! SO TRUE! PRAISE GOD, the willing Healer!
Thanks so much Karen! I love that you mentioned there is grace in vulnerability and that verse–John 8:32–indeed I am soaring! I’m so uplifted from you and Keith’s encouraging words, so thankful you two are with us this year and beyond! : D
Hey Caroline, thanks so much for reading my post! Great question. The summary I placed beside each verse is not a direct translation but rather my interpretation. Romans 12:21 says, “Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good.” So I tagged the metaphor of a fence–allowing the bad to be escorted out and the good we replace it with to reign–with this verse about replacing evil with good. Hope that makes sense, and helps!
Ah, that is the sweetest Stephanie! YES! I’m looking forward to getting to know you better and encouraging you throughout this year! Whoooo! GO TEAM!! : )
Ooooo, YES! Thanks so much for your great influence! I’ve grown tremendously just by watching your example! : )
Wow, this was an amazing story to read! Girl you rock the pixie cut… and I love knowing the beautiful story behind it 🙂 and your certification – amazing!! I would love to do something like that so I may be hitting you up for info soon;) thankful for your vulnerability and kindness… I have much to learn from you this year ??
Oops the “??” At the end is supposed to be a red heart emoji! Haha
Dearest Kaitlynn,
As your Mother, I would willingly take a “bullet for you” and want to shelter you from all of the pains and hardships in this world that you may suffer through. I know God has very special plans for you and that he will use every hardship and suffering that you have went through to help further His Kingdom. In each instance, God is saying to you, I gave this to you (suffering or hardship) in order for you to help the next person when they encounter this situation. Thank you for your faithfulness!
Love, Mom
I love your passion and vulnerability and writing style and how you are fighting for others
Thanks for sharing this part of your journey, Kaitlynn. Your perspective on scripture will bring healing for the rest of your life. Also… I think this decision (when you were struggling) was really brave: “So I called together some ladies from my church to meet and pray.”
There’s such power, truth and grace in vulnerability. Thank you for continuing to share your journey in such a beautiful, powerful way. Your own personal John 8:32. Love you, dear heart!