Walks Worth Remembering

Hey all!

We just finished our month in Yerevan, Armenia last week! We were serving at an orphanage for children and young adults with mental and physical disabilities.

Daily Schedule

First we sat around an orange table drinking expresso and visiting with the staff for the first 30 minutes, then each of us split up to go with staff members to feed the youth breakfast, then hang with staff for another 30 minutes, before going to other rooms where we would push the youth outside in wheelchairs and talk to them while we pushed them around the campus for an hour (then we would do the same thing for another hour with a different group of youth), we would feed them lunch, hang with staff for a little longer, then head back to our Airbnb for team time and meetings with locals we’d met for the rest of the day!

Most of the staff spoke Armenian or Russian, while the youth understood a little bit of each but most of them were unable to reply. While I would feed them breakfast, I remembered their name and would try to be silly and make them laugh or at least help them smile. For some of them, eating was painful, and it was always hard to set the bowl down and leave when they were in so much discomfort that they refused to eat. The staff does the best they can to care for them, but their conditions have caused all of their health to decline at quicker paces than the average life expectancy.

Special Memories

The staff were so creative in helping the youth have fun. There was a stable with some horses, a garden area that had different colored streamers hanging from the trees, a pen with some dogs playing inside, plus the sculpting room. We would push the youth around the campus in wheelchairs, and as I did so, I spoke the little Russian I knew and prayed and sang over them–occasionally stopping to pick a flower for them. Those are walks I’ll remember.

“The Lord bless you / and keep you / make His face shine upon you / and be gracious to you / the Lord turn His, face toward you / and give you peace” (The Blessing; Elevation Worship)

On Fridays, they would have a dancing event for an hour. All of the youth would be brought into the room, and they would play fun, upbeat music, and dance! At first, I found myself just loving watching them dance—so carefree and overjoyed, and yet none of them dancing the same way! Some of them even invited their friends who were more shy or sitting down, to join them… and I loved how their simple gesture invited their friends into the celebration and freedom to express themselves! Smiles, and clapping, and random circles forming of multiple people locking arms together to do some traditional dance moves. Staff and youth danced throughout the large room. Then I felt the Lord nudge my spirit, saying, “Look at these beautiful expressions of freedom, abandonment, and celebration. That’s meant for you too. Go on. Don’t worry about who’s watching. Embrace the celebration!” I have to admit that moving from the wall towards the rest of the dancers felt like a very far distance to me. Haha. What would my teammates think?! What if I can’t join a group, and then am out there dancing by myself? Haha. God didn’t let me think long before a boy came over, grabbed my hand, and suddenly I was out on the dance floor! It was fun. It reminded me of Heaven. I’m glad I decided to dance with them, because once I was out there, the other youth wanted to take turns dancing with me, and I never wanted it to end. I learned some new dance moves too ; ).

The staff at the orphanage were so professional, kind, and hospitable. Right away, I really admired how they treated each other as coworkers, as well as the joy with which they cared for the youth. They truly didn’t come to work to work, but showed up for their calling to love and bring happiness into these youth’s days. It was significant to me to see them living that out every single day. The staff also made time to go on adventures with us. They took us to several ancient mountain monasteries, as well as Lake. On our last day with them, the staff prepared a picnic for us, and we sat in the middle of a peach orchard on the orphanage’s campus to celebrate the time together. It felt surreal, as they spoke in Armenian around me, surrounded by glowing green trees and grass, while a mountain towered out of the land miles from us, with snow covering its peak. Time was still. We wanted to express our gratitude to them, and Anthony (my teammate) asked if we could pray for them. Armenians are very proud to be Orthodox Christians (and the first country to accept Christianity as a nation). It’s believed Noah’s ark landed on one of their mountains!

After praying for them, one of the staff said, “Thank you for that. You prayed directly to God. No priest, or other rituals, but to Him like He were here beside you. With such confidence and sincerity. We haven’t seen someone do that before.” It was a cool moment to expand on how according to the Bible, we receive grace through faith, not through works. Because of Jesus’ death and resurrection, God tore the veil, so we could come close without having to go through all kinds of sacrifices and rituals to know and speak with Him. YES, GOD!!!!

Thankful for friends, George and Adam

There were two people last month that I really focused praying and investing in: George and Adam (names changed for privacy). George was 20 years old from Syria. His father sent him to Armenia in hopes that he could have a new life, but the rest of his family was still there facing danger. George had grown up Christian, found the church our group began attending (which was an entire church made up of international missionaries—3 words sum it up—HOLY SPIRIT FIRE in that place(!), and now has passion and calling to return to Syria to bring the Gospel there. I was really thankful to meet him, hear his story, pray over him multiple times, and he challenged me with so many questions that he’s facing like: If I face death for being a Christian in Syria, should I lie to share the Gospel with more people or boldly die for it? Is God responsible for people’s suffering in war? And other heavy questions that I forgot. How do you look someone in the eyes who has just escaped war and seen atrocities, and say suffering is sometimes God’s will for us but no matter the Earthly end, our eternity with Him (where there is no more pain and we see God face to face) will far outweigh it? I said it with empathy. With tears in my own eyes and affirmation that what George experienced was very evil and it grieves God far more than it grieves us. I never want to downsize or diminish anyone’s pain. Because it’s real and it matters. And yet, we have a hope that’s not going to put us to shame. We gotta focus, and look forward to that hope <3.

And Adam. I’ll never forget Adam, because being around him changed me. Adam was a 26 year old artist working in the sculpting room in the orphanage. He helped the youth express themselves through art. The first day I met him, I watched him approach one of the youths, bend down to be eye to eye with them, and carefully put a piece of clay in their hand. The youth was showing by her eyes and expressions that she was fascinated by the texture, and so Adam took her hands in his, and slowly (seriously—in slow motion times the slowest of motion) helped her make different shapes with it. I had never seen someone put so much time and precision into the way that he helped her experience playing with that clay. A pure act of love is what it felt like, just watching, his attentiveness. He went hiking with Brett, George, and I in the mountains, and several times George or I almost took a nasty fall, but Adam was ready. He caught our hand, and used his strength to pull each of us up and help us grab back onto a rock. Another evening, some of my friends and I got supper with him. He described the way he saw the world as an artist, the beauty he saw—e v e r y w h e r e. Frankly, I think my mouth was open at one point, lol, because he was describing aspects of the world with such tenderness and love for it, that it gave me new eyesight for those things too. Adam showed up at work and for hanging out with us with his whole heart. Every word and action was said and done with great care, and I’m still baffled by how someone else could do and say the same things, yet it wouldn’t carry as much authority or weight as it did when he did/said it—because he did/said things with such clarity, understanding, and love. Adam was never in a hurry—flashback to my first story about him. On the drive to the mountain we were going to hike, when we stopped to eat, they finished eating before me and I was joking around that I was going to swallow the rest of my food really fast. Adam seemed really concerned about that, and told me to not rush. That he would tell the driver we were going to stay until I was finished. That moment was significant for me, because I constantly feel like people are wanting and expecting me to “hurry up” when it comes to different things. But Adam didn’t have that expectation, for me, or anyone else I observed. Lastly, Adam was real. He was honest about the parts of his story that were hard and things he still doesn’t understand.

While we were walking on our mountain hike, he asked me, “How do people become children of God? What are the differences between each person in the trinity—for example, why is God considered fatherly? Did God make Jesus come to Earth or did Jesus volunteer?” For each question, I was able to point him to what scripture says. Another day when we were eating supper with friends, he was describing how he viewed the world, and he mentioned he felt God speaking to him often. But he didn’t want to read the Bible, he just wanted their relationship to be experiential, because “having knowledge, requires no trust.” As he described different parts of his life and worldview, he was quoting scripture, though he had never read the Bible which amazed me. Because Adam portrayed the fruits of the spirit in his daily life! And had a tremendous love for all people and God. Just being near him for a minute you could feel it radiating from his presence. I asked him what he thought about Jesus as a savior, but it was unclear what he thought about that. Adam is an exemplary person, and we promised to stay in touch!

Meeting Li from Kyiv (Warning: Disturbing Information Ahead / AVOID if sensitive)

Thank you for praying for my surgery—unfortunately it wasn’t successful and the experience was exactly what you could expect abroad—so I’ll spare you the details : P. Please pray I can get it redone soon after arriving back in the states. I’m still thankful I gave it a shot because now I know what to expect, and a Chinese woman who had just escaped from Kyiv happened to be staying in the room beside me. I was overjoyed to speak some Chinese with her, share my pictures and stories from my time in China, and listen to the trauma she experienced. The week before, my squad had received Refugee & Trauma training, so I was fully prepared to comfort and handle what she showed me. She showed me the video the morning the sirens went off (1^st day of war). So eerie. She stayed in her bathtub for 3 days, filled it with pillows and snack food, and didn’t sleep at all. She showed me a video from her balcony of a car driving down the highway, while a Russian tank drove down the same highway going the wrong way (both on different sides of the line), and at the last second swerved and ran over the top of the car and kept going. She was horrified, and ran down from her apartment to get the person out of the crushed car. She showed me video of bystanders trying to pull the elderly man out. “He died,” she said. Silence. Then she swiped to the next video on her phone. On her way back she filmed the dead bodies lying on the road. They were charred, and thankfully I didn’t see their faces or that would have really messed me up. “Do you feel safe now?” I asked. Something dropped in the other room, and she jumped, then said, “On day 4 I drove to the train station, left my car there, and got on the train. I don’t know if my apartment is okay. I don’t know if my car is okay. Do I feel safe? I don’t know. I don’t know,” she trailed off. I didn’t get to share the Gospel with her (though I explained love for Jesus was why I was abroad)–with such intense emotional pain and trauma, refugees first need to experience being served with great love and care so that their basic needs can be regained, before going into deeper decisions. I hope to share the Gospel with her when the time is right! I have her number and we are staying touch. Getting to speak in Chinese and reflect on the beauty and wonder of Chinese culture was a blessing to both of us. We transported there together in our memories for a couple of hours, and it felt safe and full of hope.

Identity in Christ

²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30; NIV)

I really enjoyed my time serving in Armenia. The Lord has been teaching me that He doesn’t expect more of me than who I am. He doesn’t ask for striving, or proving, or completing what He’s told someone else to do. What matters is that I am obedient to what He tells ME to do, whether that seems bigger or smaller of a task than the person beside me. After the surgery and arriving a week later than everyone else, I felt pressured to “catch up” in ministry. But the Lord removed that pressure, and reminded me that His yoke is easy and His burden is light–the obedience He asks of me is the right match for Him and I to accomplish together. It’s not crushing. It’s not stressful. When it’s stressful, it’s probably because I have added expectations or standards to it apart from His will for me. He asked me to minister to Li and my host Serkan (who made applesauce for me twice from scratch :’)), the youth I fed and pushed around in wheelchairs, whichever staff I was with, George, Adam, and whichever teammate was near me. It was fulfilling, and I look forward to living the rest of my life that way.

Month 11 is upon us!!!!

Our next country was going to be Kyrgyzstan, but our squad mentor gave us the option to return to Hope Church in Romania who were helping and ministering to Ukrainian refugees. Our whole squad prayed about the decision, and we all felt the Lord was asking us to return to Romania for our final month. And man, has He been busy here in Romania and it’s only been a week! I look forward to sharing another post about that as soon as possible. Please pray for the orphanage staff and youth, as well as George, Adam, and Li. Please pray for me that I would throw off any remaining pieces of religion and works-based grace that has kept me from full freedom in my identity as a treasured daughter of Christ whom He deems worthy and bestows honor upon. Thank you for all of your prayers!